It's time to wake up!

I talked about changes and changes are afoot. It is time to put my sanity (however much I had of it, anyway) back on track and the transformation begins today!

I realized I had lost focus of what I truly want and what truly makes me happy. I have been investing too much time in things that are far from mundane, but not as important as others nonetheless. I have been stressing out over things that, at the end of the day, not only are they at my complete control, but they are also not the bread and butter of what I desire. (I am intentionally keeping this vague. :) ) I even found myself reaching the point of depression at times. And for what? For fear that those elements may cease to exist? This doesn't make any sense at all, since, deep down, I don't even give a shit! That fear is often manifested through the creation of a potential negative scenario in my head that would end up having an outcome that is far from ideal. In other words, I would be afraid of something that may not even ever happen. And the craziest thing is that this is the kind of mentality I've always been advocating against, yet here I am now, having adopted it entirely! What the hell, brain??

I read something recently that reminded me of an old "me".

"Don't look too long or too often into the future. Let the present creep up on you and coldcock¹ you with a tire iron!" (I'm looking at you, W.A.B.!)

This is the "me" I always enjoyed being and that I never voluntarily (or knowingly even) gave up. It is what I have always been preaching, yet somehow I seem to have lost my way and it's not how I've been living my life lately. It could be the fact that I had a pretty tough year until recently, or the fact that I have immersed myself into a new culture that kinda took me by surprise. Whichever the case, it doesn't really matter. What matters is that I have identified the thorn and I'm already working on pulling it out.

As of today, I'll be making sure I hold on tight with both hands to the things I want the most. I'll be putting all my effort into what I want to keep in my life, without forcing anything to be there. Worrying about how something may or may not turn out, is absolutely pointless. I'm starting to remember now what that feels like. It feels really REALLY good!

I'm happy for what I have and for who I am.
I enjoy the factors that shape my life.
I have always tackled anything that came my way and I am perfectly capable of finding my way to the surface, regardless of the conditions.
I have confidence in my ability to make the best of any given situation.
I will never again allow anything to bring me down!

I'm on my way to bringing my old self back. Having some seriously intelligent, insightful, supportive people in my life, who know me at times even more than I know myself, helps immensely. Thank you. You know who you are.

M.

1. "The act of punching or striking someone's face or head so hard, they are knocked out instantly."