Despite all my rage...

Change is inevitable!



There! I started my post with a deep, philosophical belief. Therefore, the rest of whatever I write will surely be filled with intelligent opinions, intriguing facts and mind-altering conclusions. Right? Right!

I advocate change and self-growth more than anything else in my life (I think). I strongly believe that the only way for anyone of us to achieve all goals and reach ultimate personal fulfillment is by constantly changing. The thought process behind such a bold sentence is simple.

The more we learn, the more we understand.
The more we understand, the more things we try.
The more we try, the more mistakes we make.
The more mistakes we make, the more we put ourselves to the test.
The more we put ourselves to the test, the stronger we become.
The stronger we become, the more different we see the world.
The more different we see the world, the more we change our way of thinking.
The more we change our way of thinking, the better we become as individuals.

So there you have it, one of my strongest philosophies in life, in a nutshell. I could give you the full version, but this is not the time for such detail. Regardless, you're welcome!

I'm sure many of you will claim that if this is really how I think, then it's knowledge that I should treasure more, because had it not been for that, there would be no change. If you se it from a logical perspective, I cannot disagree. But from a practical perspective, things are different. I do love to learn about anything and everything around me, but the thing that excites me the most and gets my heart beating faster is the actual change. I understand that you can't have one without the other, but if I had to choose one, I would choose change. I love waking up any given morning and realizing that something inside me has changed.
Suddenly, I like pizza more than I like burgers.
Today I feel a stronger desire to learn how to dance tango, rather than how to play the guitar.
Hmmm... I think I will sell all my stuff, give up the life I have right now and move to Asia.

Makes perfect sense? Good, it wasn't supposed to anyway! Moving on.

Everything is good and jolly until an "unexpected" complication comes in the picture. What happens when you lose control of your changes? Don't tell you you thought you are fully in control of the shape and form you are taking, did you? I'm sorry for having to be the one to break it to you, but you can't control shit!!! You are in the mercy of your subconscious and the influences you place yourself in the middle of. All you can do is follow a given direction. The rest, my friend, is not up to you.

"Why can't I be in control of who I am becoming?" you're going to ask. Well, it's simple. Building a character is a little bit like cooking. You know what spices you're going to use, but you don't always know how much of each you need, in order to get the perfect result. So you use your judgement and try to guess. You put a little bit of salt, to awaken the flavor. You put some cinnamon to sweeten things up a bit. You put some cayenne pepper to give the whole thing a good kick. And then you bake it and you're hoping that you're gotten it just right. The final outcome, however, comes as a surprise. You're going to like something about it but you can also taste a part of it that needs some improvement. There are, of course, times that you get just the perfect result. You succeed in creating exactly what you had in mind and you stand there in awe, repeating over and over again that you can't believe how good this dish turned out to be. And those moments are beautiful and priceless.

Whichever the case, the important question is: What do you do when you're a passenger in the bus of change and suddenly you see it pass by the highway exit you were expecting to take, indicating you've boarded the wrong bus? Or even worse, how long does it take you to realize? Do you see it immediately? Do you have your doubts, but quickly brush it off? Does it hit you only when the bus ends up falling down to an endless abyss? In other words, how the fuck do you get back on track?

And that is where I don't quite have an answer. At least not until I manage to get myself out of that same boat! I already knew I have been changing at increasingly high speeds the past few months, but it wasn't until recently that I realized I don't quite like all the changes I have undergone.

It seems that the past 2 years I have spent in the USA have been very intense on me and have pushed me to change in ways that do not quite agree with my preferences and beliefs. I'm not going to elaborate much on this just yet, mainly because I'm still trying to figure it all out. But one thing I know is this. I'm not afraid to turn around. If what I see ahead of me does not put my excitement on a trampoline, I'm perfectly happy to bring back one of the element that I know for a fact it makes me happy, and begin revising from there. As I said, I may not be able to determine how things will turn out, but I can most definitely choose the magic carpet I'll be flying on.

M.

P.S. The title of this post has absolutely nothing to do with its content. The Smashing Pumpkins took over and claimed it.